Whether you come in together or not, I have quite a number of cutting edge tools for relationship work
Couples run into challenges as a normal part of relationship. Getting support at challenging times can make the difference between a relationship mired in conflict, and one filled with love and understanding. My goal is to provide you with tools that you can use now, and long after the difficult phase has passed. I integrate a variety of tools and schools of thought on relationship.
Learn communication tools such as Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Meta-Communication, Active Listening and others to build empathy and understanding between partners. Most couples can really benefit from learning simple, useful tools for communication and practicing them together. Once the tools are learned in the office, it can be very exciting to see issues that would have gotten quite out of hand get resolved lovingly with conscious communication. With good communication tools, trust and safety are built. This is the foundation for empathy and intimacy, which in turn create satisfaction and fulfillment.
I use a mindfulness-based and body-centered process with you and your partner to uncover and heal the deeper layers of what is happening in the challenging moments (Hakomi). This work is very gentle, but profound. Partners are facilitated in relating in the office within an atmosphere of openness, gentleness and a welcoming attitude toward discovering the underlying unconscious meanings and beliefs behind feelings and behavior.
I also use Brainspotting to work through trigger points from the past that affect the present, such as childhood trauma, painful past relationships and repeated conflicts. Brainspotting is an amazing tool for getting to the bottom of reactivity, understanding where it comes from, and breaking the patterns quickly and permanently. The most challenging moments in relationship are when we “push each other’s buttons.” This is a tool for clearing those buttons, so we can respond consciously and logically, rather than from unconscious reactivity.
Learn your Enneagram types and how they interact with each other to understand yourself, your partner, and the relationship dynamics. This is a personality typing system with a lot of depth. It describes core motivations, unconscious needs, basic life strategies, responses to stress and tools for growth. It is a tool for self-development, higher consciousness and freedom.
I also bring a lot of understanding of current developments in brain science which is essential to understanding the powerful of cycles of reactivity and how to interrupt them. This includes PACT therapy developed by Stan Tatkin, which is based on psychobiology and attachment theory. I also help couples work on underlying forces such as food sensitivities or gut issues which can be physical foundations for reactivity or mood issues.
I am also well versed in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT for couples) which is about getting down to the vulnerability behind the patterns.
With this approach old wounds are healed, awareness of self and partner is enhanced, and communication becomes more effective. The potential for personal and spiritual growth becomes clear as the journey unfolds. More time is spent enjoying your relationship as conflict gives way to understanding.